nights as days

I work nights, and I like it. This has been my mantra for some time now. A badge of pride. "I work while you and others sleep." "I give potentially dangerous drugs to your family members while you lay in your beds." stuff like that. I started doing it because I had to. I went to school full time. I needed money, and voilia, nights were available. Plus, it was the only way into the ICU at the time. So I sucked it up, and turned out it was some of the most fun and up there with the best eperiences of my life. I found my passion for the uber-sick, where it still lies today. I also found my true calling in life, cleaning blood of patients. Nothing makes me happier at work than that. Really. Just give me a job cleaning blood and I'll be happy as a clam.

Somewhere in the last few months though, I havent been so happy with nights. I cant stay up all day after working a shift anymore. I find myself up at three in the morning on the internet, doing nothing. I don't leave the house. The actions run in direct contrast my love of the Dawn (the person and the time). I love waking up super early, going for a run, a swim, a bike ride, a surf, or even a paddle. Missing the morning for me is like missing the only part of the day that matters. This plain sucks. I just cant do it. Now when I want to get up early, I find myself sleeping in until noon. this is not lazy when you go to bed at two, it's just the body going "Awww hell no." I've got a feeling that something will have to change soon, or I'll hit a breaking point. I've got to find a balance, maybe some melatonin? Who knows. I've still got some tricks up my sleeve. Nights pay well, and the nursing is fun. But change is a'coming, and I can feel it in these bones o' mine.