walking the walk

Got back from Haiti this week, still processing a lot of what I saw there and how it made me feel about myself and how I live here. I won't say I'm depressed, but I do feel very subdued about what I experienced. It was mentally challenging and emotionally rough. I had some really bright points though. Among these was something very strange, very foreign to me, but I think, through a series of unrelated circumstances that a lot of stuff coalesced around my spiritual life. I'm not going to get into it much, I'm still feeling around in the dark, but I haven't felt this..."whole" in a while. That being said, I'm on a long path here.

I'm very much looking forward to going back to Haiti in October. The need for everything there is so enormous, and the more people on the ground the better. Seriously, go to operation medishare's website and apply.

Besides that, I've been on the bike a little since I got home. I've been in the water a lot, with a few races coming up, I'm pretty pumped about the early paddling season. Can't wait to see how I do. I know it will be fun regardless. Get to see jeff and stephanie Huhn down here! sweet.

done done and done

That's it. I've OFFICIALLY had it with night shifts. I need to get myself on the day/night rotation schedule as soon as possible. Lately I feel terrible just about all the time. That's just no good.

tha rumpshayka.

When I got out of college, I had these dreams and ambitions about using my biology degree for the good of mankind. It's why I studied political science on top of it, to help understand some of the complexities that result in some people having more than others. With A small amount of hindsight, I can see that these naive dreams of an extremely selfish 22 years old were ill conceived. First off, economics decides everything. Second, I'm still largely a selfish bastard, but I've picked up a clue or two since then. My "journey" led me to nursing, where I've since learned a lot about compassion, what actual suffering looks like, and where I've been able to actually help a few people. In doing so, I've found that people always need more. There's always going to be more need for help than help itself. So I'm trying to do my part. I've been a nurse now for almost two years, I'm pretty stable now, so I was just looking for a chance to try and get out there. It turns out that I'm also lazy. I'd been wanting to sign up for the red-cross ever since I got the ink on my neck with the red Swiss cross and circle emblem. I did their intro class, and am hoping to start on some shelter cl assess soon. There's a lot of good that I can do here at home.

However, that's not what I'm excited about. Next week I get to fulfil one of my goals for a while now, and go on a medical mission. This one's going to Haiti. I'm going with a group out of Flagstaff and we'll be boots on the ground for a solid week. I'm pretty excited for it, I think it will be very challenging, and I'm hoping I can do any amount of good for the people down there. Haiti has interested me for a while now, I remember hearing about the place in college a lot during the J.B.Aristdae debacle, their "poorest nation on earth" status, and a lot about voodoo and what have you. The damage to their country seems just...unimaginable to me, and I just hope that for all of the stupid, insignificant things I do in my life, that this one will matter, and hopefully change something that lasts. It's going to be a test for me. Is this what I want to gravitate toward, disaster relief support, helping people at their lowest? Can I do it well? If I do, (and I'm hoping for it) then that huge step on my path will have been finally crossed. If not, at least I can say I took the step. Helping people can be frustrating, exhausting, and disenchanting. That much I know from nursing. But I've also seen the good it does, and I'm hoping that between the projects I'm working on, I'll have a chance to do more of that.